OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
