man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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