mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
where are my eyebrows?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
