More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
