i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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