Who wears a wallet chain?!
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
