I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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