woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
that may or may not have been my penis.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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