I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
please come you make the beer taste better
he laminated a picture of his dick.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
