dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
