So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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