3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
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