Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
