Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
