Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Drake has all the answers
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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