it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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