the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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