im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
