can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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