Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
