uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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