Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
