I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
there was a trapeze. enough said
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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