I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
