dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
