how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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