My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
