We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
