I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
