he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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