i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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