you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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