butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
