Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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