you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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