I didn't shave. On purpose
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
