so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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