whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
