You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
