I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
