i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
