My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
