I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
