Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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