I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
