Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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