At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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