I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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