I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
