so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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