you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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