i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
