at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
