I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
