I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
