i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I have already put on my inside pants.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
