i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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