So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
