i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
