it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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