I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
