i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
