I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
