your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I currently don't understand fingers.
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