girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
