I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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