just tell him i said nine months
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
