Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
