A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
