Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
