the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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