Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
