I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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