there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
