There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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