Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
i think i just lost a toe
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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