Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
