Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
