Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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