I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
