I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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