Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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