Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
