I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize