We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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