Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
