Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
