I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Randomize
