This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
